My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
