U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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