I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
