just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
