1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
