so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
