So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
