It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
