His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
