You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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