Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
