The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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