i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
