I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
