Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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