That's intense
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
