FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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