I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
