Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
