tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
