Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
