I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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