i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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