I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
