you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
