so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
