moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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