I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
