I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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