meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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