i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
