only if we run a train.
done.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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