My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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