From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
