I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
