her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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