atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
