Non-Jews are for practice
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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