I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
