i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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