thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
