vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
