At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this beer tastes like vomit already
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
