that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
