I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He? As in you personified your dick?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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