You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just want to make out with him forever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
