i just had sex bonerless
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
