I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
