Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
