So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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