The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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