Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
